Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
