my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
