oh god the rape fog is back!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
