he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
