we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize