My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
