When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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