Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
