You can't motorboat a personality
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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