i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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