you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
