He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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