im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
