i love accidental penises.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
