that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize