Barsexuality is the new black.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
