Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
you never un-have a 4some
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
