i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
