another moral hangover. fuck.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize