heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
