explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I stole a fireplace last night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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