Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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