rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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