is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
