I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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