I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
