He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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