he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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