I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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