a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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