why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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