I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
