Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
