How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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