you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you inspire me to be a worse person
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
