shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
