Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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