How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
