i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
