im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
