I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
