the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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