i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
