I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
