this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
