I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
