its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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