Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
