great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
