normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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