He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
