Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
