You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize