Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I have already put on my inside pants.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
