there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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