Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
