I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
