Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
