dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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