Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
