then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
