I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
