you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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