he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize