You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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