i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
