Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
