So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize