ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
