she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
