As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
