I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
