also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
