this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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