wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
