we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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