When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Where did you get a picture of my penis
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
