bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize