If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
