Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
