Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
