In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
