why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
