i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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