I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize