Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
