Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
