Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
