I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
