it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize