i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
