dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
