he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
