Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
