guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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