i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
