i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
