i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
