did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
