The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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