Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
