Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
