I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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