Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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