belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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