Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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