i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize