I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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