did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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