Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
