Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
