I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
