I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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