I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
