I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
