Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
