a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
