I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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