Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
